


Manual Override

by subtlesinner



Series: Life After Dawn [2]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-16 05:53:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10564956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtlesinner/pseuds/subtlesinner
Summary: When Aloy decides it is time to return to Rost's grave to pay her respects, Erend volunteers to accompany her; after going through the loss of his sister on his own, he knows he doesn't want Aloy to have to go through the same. Reluctantly, she agrees, and Erend realizes he must face his most difficult challenge yet... Learning to ride an overridden machine.***This started as a drabble inspired bycookiemarimonster's post filled with prompts on tumblr, which can be foundhere, and it grew from there! I'm excited to see where it goes...Loosely takes place afterthisfic, but you don't need to have read it to understand what's going on.





	1. Chapter 1

“Erend, come on out! It won’t hurt you.” Aloy waved over at the patch of grass where her partner was still hiding, laughing when he reluctantly popped his head out, clutching his hammer tightly in both hands.

“Y-You’re sure this thing is safe?” He straightened his body up carefully, eyes never leaving the massive horned beast that now shone with bright blue light, while Aloy continued to laugh at his caution.

“I promise.” She patted the Broadhead affectionately, trying to convince him that it really was safe, as long as it was overridden. “I’ve done this a thousand times. Just trust me.”

“Alright... But only because you asked me to.” He relented, finally leaving the safety of his hiding place to slowly approach Aloy; he still felt weary of the machine at her side, after having fought them so many times, it seemed unnatural to see the creature standing peacefully at her side.

“There, see?” Aloy patted the creature’s neck gently, “Not so scary up close, right?” Erend scowled at her teasing, but Aloy only laughed brightly in response.

“Not everybody can make them behave like you, Aloy...” He shook his head, unable to push out of his mind the countless times he’d fought machines just like this one, never once believing they were capable of, well, _this._ “My caution comes from too many bad experiences.”

“They aren’t like that, anymore, though. With HADES gone, the machines shouldn’t go out of their way to attack travelers like they used to. No more Derangement.” Aloy tried to reassure him, but she could tell he was still somewhat uneasy. “Now, how about we take it for a little ride?”

“Wh-What?” Erend looked at her with eyes the size of dinner plates, unable to believe what she was asking. “You want to _ride_ one?”

“Like I said, I’ve done this a thousand times.” Aloy smiled at his disbelief, as Erend just stared back at her, mouth hanging open in awe. “And I want _you_ to ride it.”

“What kind of madwoman have I fallen in love with?” He looked to the sky jokingly, earning an animated eye-roll from Aloy.

“It’s easy, watch.” Aloy swung her leg over the Broadhead’s back in one fluid motion, seating herself comfortably, she grasped the cables that glowed on the machine’s neck, prompting it to walk around slowly to face Erend directly. “See what I mean?” He shook his head with awe, sure he would never have believed it without seeing it firsthand. “Erend, join me.” Aloy stuck out a hand toward him, asking Erend to climb on behind her, but he still felt weary; _what would he do if the creature turned on her the moment he touched it? He’d never forgive himself._ He shook his head, again, denying her request.

“I- I don’t know about that, Aloy...”

“Do you really want to _walk_ back to the Nora homeland? You’ve made that trip before.” She said, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest as she looked at him. “We could make the ride in only a few days. If we walk, it’ll take almost a week.” Erend knew she was right, but he didn’t want to admit it. Erend’s words echoed back in his ears as he remembered what he’d told her when she mentioned wanting to go back to the Nora homeland, just for a visit, because she’d promised herself she would.

“ _You were with me when I needed to time to come to terms with Ersa’s death, Aloy, and Rost was your father. You deserve to be able to process that, in your own way, but I’d like to be by your side. If you’ll let me.” Erend had told her without any doubt in his mind. “It’s not something any person should have to face alone.” The time he’d spent away from her, taking care of his sister’s affairs, had been ugly days. He would never forget the time Aloy spent to help him track Ersa, still not sure how to feel about holding his sister as she took her last, shuddering breath in his arms; there was some sense of closure and peace about the moment, but at the same time, it had taken every last ounce of strength in his being not to slaughter Dervhal on the spot when Aloy captured him. Knowing Dervhal would die at the hand of the highest bidder was a debt he knew could never be repaid, in full._

When he’d volunteered to accompany her, Aloy had asked he let her visit Rost’s grave alone, but she had appreciated him wanting to make sure she was alright, as she finally allowed herself to truly grieve. All her life, Aloy had never considered the idea that Rost might be gone, in her future. It was why she had felt so thoroughly wounded when he’d told her he was leaving the night before the Proving, and the reason his face still haunted her nightmares more nights than she wanted to think about.

“Alright, let’s do it.” Erend relented, accepting the hand Aloy still had outstretched to him and hefting himself over the Broadhead as he’d seen her do before. “Uh- It’s a little cramped...” He hunched over her awkwardly, wrapping his broad arms around her waist in a bear hug that made Aloy’s cheeks glow in the afternoon sunlight, though he couldn’t see it from behind her.

“Yeah,” Aloy agreed, tapping her heels against the machine’s ribs to prompt it to move, she clicked her tongue against her teeth at the same time, “You’ll be riding your own by tomorrow.”

“I’ll what?!” Erend whooped with alarm as the Broadhead picked up speed, following Aloy’s guidance as they wove across the countryside far faster than he’d expected. At first, Erend was tense as a bowstring, unable to stay calm as his heart and mind raced at all the possible things that could go wrong with such a machine breaking out of their control, but the longer they rode, bouncing along the road, the more he started to find himself relaxing and starting to enjoy the new means of travel. They rode in relative silence, outside the sound of hoof on stone, for close to an hour before Erend leaned forward enough to speak into Aloy’s ear, “I can see why you’d find this enjoyable.”

“So, you’re starting to have a good time?” Aloy laughed over her shoulder, until Erend squeezed her a little tighter in response, nearly pushing the air from her lungs.

“I wouldn’t go that far-” Erend grunted when the Broadhead took a particularly sharp dip in the road at full speed, jostling them uncomfortably. He had no doubts he’d be sore by the time they’d stop for a rest, but Aloy seemed used to it, so he didn’t complain until they finally, mercifully, stopped after a full 6 hours of riding.

Erend groaned as he slid off the Broadhead, his legs nearly giving under him as they hit the ground with unexpected force.

“Does it always feel like this, after riding for so long?” He grimaced as he stretched the tired muscles, gingerly rubbing at the backs of his thighs over his trousers.

“To be honest, I’d forgotten... I’m sorry.” Aloy looked back at him apologetically, “You’ll get used to it by the time we make it to Nora territory, if it’s any consolation.”

“Tell that to my aching ass.” Erend responded quickly with a smile as he started to walk toward the small camp they’d found, left by the last travelers to move through the area. “How far have we gotten? It’s been hours, now.” Aloy produced a map with her focus, counting the small landmarks they’d already passed, then trying to calculate how much time it would take them to go the rest of the way.

“We made decent time out of Meridian, but I’d hoped to get a bit further before we stopped for the night...” Aloy bit her lip, feeling bad that she could tell Erend was in pain. She didn’t want to make him ride any further without at least a break, but the sun was going to set within the next few hours. “Let’s get something to eat, and a rest, then we can decide whether or not to camp here.”

“That just sounds an awful lot like camping here,” Erend pointed out, though Aloy was ignoring the comment, already tapping her focus, looking for any nearby game she could easily track. “But don’t worry too much on my account. I can move again whenever you want me to. We can get as far as you want to, tonight.” It was a half-truth, anyway; at the moment, Erend’s lower half ached, protesting his every movement, but he hoped a small rest would help him recover quickly enough to continue. He laid down his hammer, then peeled off the heaviest layers of his armor and set them next to the fire, and sat down slowly, stretching his legs out with a sigh of immediate relief as he watched Aloy hunt for their dinner with interest. The little trinket she wore fascinated him, in a way he just didn’t understand, but she used it so effortlessly, he knew he could never tire of watching her work so impressively. Erend’s heart swelled with affection for her, as he watched her stalk and take down a boar in a matter of a few minutes, firing a well-placed shot with her heaviest bow, the creature never stood a chance; Aloy knelt to collect her kill casually, skinning and butchering it on the spot without so much as a look of disgust as she did so.

“Do you have any idea how incredible you are?” Erend marveled at her aloud as she trudged back to the camp with the butchered meat in hand. Aloy plucked a few twigs off a Ridgewood tree as she passed, skewering the cuts of boar’s meat and handing them to Erend to cook over the fire.

“I’ve been told so, but, I don’t know...” She shrugged, “Sometimes, I don’t see it.” An idea struck her, as her eyes scanned the immediate area for something she might be able to use to bolster their meal, she saw a patch of medicinal Hintergold that might give Erend some relief from the pain of riding, at least temporarily. “Can you hold those over the fire for me? I’ll be right back.”

“Sure.” Erend answered, tilting the skewers over the fire pit, his mouth watered at the sound of the animal fat sizzling in the heat of the flames. He hadn’t eaten since that morning, and his stomach was rumbling at the thought of a good meal. “Take your time. That was a hearty kill, these will be a while.” Aloy smiled with satisfaction as she approached the wildflowers, harvesting as many of the floral buds as she could find, she tucked them away in one of the many pouches at her belt, planning to give some to Erend to eat with their meal. After she’d finished, she got to work foraging for root vegetables, but the pickings were slim, so she returned to the camp with what little she could find.

“There wasn’t much, in terms of vegetation.” She pulled a few of the buds from her belt, holding them out to Erend, who looked back at her inquisitively. “Open-” Aloy instructed, when he didn’t take the Hintergold from her, but he dropped his mouth open without question. “Chew this, please.” Erend closed his mouth and bit down after she’d placed the small buds on his tongue, immediately coughing when he tasted the bitter plant pulp. “It probably won’t taste great, but it’ll help with the pain.” He was about to retort, but already Erend could feel the pain starting to ebb away at the edges.

“Your survival skills are unmatched by anyone I’ve ever seen, Aloy.” Erend shook his head with wonder; Aloy preened at the compliment, but her smile fell a moment later, as she explained.

“Rost was a really good teacher.” She bit her lip thoughtfully, “Everything I know, I learned from him.”

“It sounds like he was a damn good man.” Erend nodded, wishing he had a way to help ease her pain, “I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet him.” Aloy didn’t respond, only nodded in agreement, keeping her eyes on the fire as she placed the vegetables among the coals to roast, tending them carefully as they cooked. It wasn’t long before they’d managed to bring together a hearty meal that left their bellies full, and content. Erend groaned as he leaned backward, stretching the corded muscles of his back as he leaned away from the warmth of the fire; the sun was going to set within the hour, and he was already feeling the effects of the heavy meal, on the verge of falling asleep, if they didn’t move again soon. “We should probably get going, if we’re going to try to move, yet tonight.” Aloy could see from where she was sitting next to him that he was already starting to lose his resolve, so she relented, shaking her head gently.

“We can camp here, for the night. It’s comfortable enough, and I haven’t seen any watchers around all evening, we should be safe to get some rest.”

“You’re sure?” Erend asked, knowing full well what she’d said before. “I’m fine to move, I promise.”

“I’m sure, Erend. The whole point of this trip is to take the time I haven’t forced myself to since the Proving... There is no set date by which we must make it there, we can take the trip at our leisure.” Aloy spoke quietly, but Erend could tell she was upset after talking about Rost.

“Whatever you want, Aloy. I’m with you all the way.” He reassured her, standing up, he walked around the fire to sit next to her, one arm wrapping around her shoulder comfortingly. Aloy sniffed once, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill over her eyelids, leaning into Erend’s gentle embrace without speaking; it meant a lot to know that there was someone who still cared about her, now that Rost was well and truly gone. Just the mention of Rost had brought so many memories rushing back, she felt overwhelmed with sadness knowing he’d died in such a horrible, painful way.

“Thank you, Erend...” She managed to say, but her voice still wavered with emotion. “We should try to get some sleep.”

The sunset painted the sky peacefully as Erend and Aloy unpacked their mats along opposite sides of the fire, settling down to sleep in silence. Erend felt guilty because Aloy hadn’t spoken a word since suggesting they get some sleep after speaking about Rost; it was obvious she was still visibly hurting with the loss, and Erend couldn’t blame her for it in the least. Nonetheless, he couldn’t stop himself from wishing he could find a way to help her.

 

***

 

Hours later, in the dark of the night when the fire had burned down to coals, Erend awoke to the sounds of Aloy muttering, sounding distressed, in her sleep. He sat up hurriedly, rushing to her side the moment he realized what was happening.

“Shhh, hey-” Erend’s hand caressed her cheek softly, “Wake up, Aloy, it’s just a dream.” Aloy’s eyelids fluttered open, tears shining in the light of the moon as her composure fractured, wracked with fear and sadness as she fought to convince herself that she really was awake. Her breath came in short gasps, labored, as Erend drew Aloy’s shaking frame into his chest, his hand patting her hair gently as she sobbed. “I’ve got you, I’m not going anywhere.” Aloy gulped down air, chilled by the loss of the sun’s warmth, slowly calming herself down enough to put what she was feeling into words. Her voice wavered slightly as she spoke,

“You know, I had really hoped that the nightmares would stop after we killed HADES, but I realize now that that was foolish of me.” Erend shook his head with understanding, unable to stop himself from remembering his own reoccurring nightmares, _always chasing Ersa, but never finding her in time. She always dies in his arms, and it tears the wounds back open again, every time._

“Even I could have told you that,” Erend chuckled, but there wasn’t much mirth, trying to shake the dream from his mind.

“When Rost died, he pushed me over the edge of the cliff, to save me from a massive Blaze-fueled explosion...” Aloy sniffled, “I watched the flames engulf him as I fell, and now his screams haunt my dreams.” Erend’s heart ached for Aloy when she told him; he knew there wasn’t really anything he could do to ease the pain she was enduring, but he had to try _something_.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that, Aloy... I- I know what it’s like, watching someone you love die like that, over and over again. No matter how much you hope it will be different the next time.” Aloy curled in a little closer to him, appreciating the warmth and gentleness he was showing for her; Erend hesitated a moment before nudging at her carefully until she looked back at him questioningly. “Slide over a little, here.” Erend laid back slowly, wishing she would share the corner of her mat, he beckoned Aloy to lay her head on his chest in hopes she would let him try to help her calm herself back into sleeping, but Aloy just looked back ag him, slightly troubled by the invitation.

“Erend, I need to tell you something, but it might change the way you see me...” Aloy felt embarrassed at having to tell him this, but she knew it had to come up sooner or later.

“I’m not sure that’s actually possible, but go ahead.” An encouraging smile flashed across his lips.

“It’s just... I’ve never-” She couldn’t really bring herself to elaborate, skipping over the words instead, “-With anyone! Up until I got to know you, I just figured I wasn’t the kind of person who had those feelings, and-”

“Now you think you might be?” Erend finished for her, which allowed for Aloy to take a deep breath.

“Yes...No?” Aloy started, doubt making her back-track, “Maybe? It’s not easy for me to figure out...” Her chin dropped slightly, “But I think I want to try.”

“I’ll help you in any way that you’ll let me.” Erend promised, his eyes locked with hers, “Please, tell me immediately if I, or someone else, makes you uncomfortable, understand?” His support seemed to calm her some, as Aloy slid over on her mat in surrender, offering him the other side as he’d asked for before. Erend smiled as he laid back, guiding Aloy to tuck herself along his side, her head settled over the gentle rise and fall of his chest; the very sounds of him, _alive_ beneath her, the steady beat of his heart, started to calm her frayed nerves. Her eyes slipped shut slowly when his fingertips traced patterns over her scalp, lulling her to sleep as he pet her hair softly. It was only once he could tell she was slumbering safely that Erend finally allowed himself to fall back to sleep; he had no doubts, even lying halfway between the thin travel mat and the ground, it was still the most comfortable he’d been in ages.

 

***

 

 

 

With the light of dawn blossoming overhead, Erend stirred, surprised to find Aloy had already been awake long enough to snare them something for breakfast; she was in the midst of cleaning her kill when he got up, groaning as his aching muscles complained at the effort.

“Morning.” A pleasant smile drew across his features, but Aloy still seemed embarrassed over what had happened the night before.

“M-Morning...” Her answer wasn’t convincing when her eyes wouldn’t leave the ground in front of her. “Breakfast will be ready soon, if you’re hungry.”

“Did you sleep well enough, Aloy?” Erend asked, his concern for her written clearly on his face. “Sometimes the nightmares can be hard to shake.”

“Listen... About last night-” Aloy’s words tumbled from her lips, “Can we, maybe, just forget it ever happened?” It hadn’t occurred to Erend that she might still be uncomfortable with an act of such intimacy; the question made his stomach drop, but he tried to cover his disappointment quickly,

“Uh, sure, I guess... Whatever you want, Aloy.” He reminded himself that she was still hurting, and grief can impact people more than they ever realize. “I’m with you, no matter what- that hasn’t changed just because the sun has risen.” Aloy looked up at him slowly, her head bobbing in an appreciative nod, but she said nothing more on the subject. The two ate breakfast leisurely in the peaceful warmth of the sunrise, falling back on teasing each other easily, despite the awkward feeling that was overwhelming Aloy whenever she thought about sleeping in the same bed as Erend.

“So, it’s time to teach you how to ride on your own.” She announced after finishing her last bite of breakfast, “How do you feel?”

Erend’s face had gone slightly pale as Aloy spoke, immediately fearing the worst- _riding might have been remotely enjoyable yesterday, but it was only because Aloy was calling the shots._ He was sure it would go poorly without her to coax the machine into cooperating.

“I- I don’t know about this, Aloy...” Erend’s stumbling protest did little to sway her. “Can’t we just share again today?” He rubbed at the back of his neck with embarrassment.

“If we share again, it will force us to camp another night in the open... Wouldn’t you rather spend the night in a Nora village with a real bed? If we split between two mounts, we can travel faster and farther.” She smiled at him, but Erend wasn’t feeling particularly cheery. “I know you can do it, you just have to trust me.” Aloy was already making her way toward the field across the road from them, facing away from Erend as she tried to convince him; she couldn’t see the small frown on his face when he bit his tongue, thinking, _it would be easier to trust you if you were willing to trust me back,_ but he knew nothing good would come of the thoughts.

“I’ll try it, but I’m not promising I’ll be good at it.” He started to follow her, surprised to find Aloy had already overridden two Striders for them to ride. He shook his head, impressed and more than a little panicked at the task now laid dauntingly in front of him.

“Alright, you’re going to have to climb on, just like you did with the Broadhead yesterday.” Aloy instructed, crossing her arms as she waited for him to reluctantly comply. Erend took a deep, calming breath before he finally approached the glowing metal creature, awe written on his features.

 

***

 

“Agh- Fuck!” Curses filled the air as Erend’s strider stopped too fast for what must have been his tenth try. He lost his grip and went sailing, landing heavily on his back, Erend gasped at the sensation of knocking the wind from his chest. Aloy held up a hand to her mouth, trying to hide the laugh that trickled out of her, but it wasn’t enough to stifle the sound. His cheeks burned red with embarrassment as he tried to catch his breath, then heaved himself stubbornly to his feet once more.

“You really are getting better, I promise.” She tried to reassure him, but his expression remained sour. “We’ll head east, go through the flatlands toward the forest.”

“You’re joking, right? I’ll be impaled on a tree, if we’re not careful!” Erend protested as he tried to stretch his already aching body.

“You _will_ not. Erend, you’re getting the hang of it, honestly!” He was growing less and less patient with her placations by the second. “You trust me, don’t you?” Again, she said the words, but this time, against his better judgment, Erend shot back a bitter response, loud enough she barely heard it.

“ _Last I knew, trust worked both ways._ ”

“Excuse me?” Aloy’s brows raised with surprise as Erend hefted himself onto the Strider’s back, but he didn’t repeat or explain himself; he shook his head dismissively instead, motioning with his hand as he told her,

“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, let’s just keep going.”

 

***

 

Aloy chewed her lip silently as her Strider trotted easily behind Erend’s; she couldn’t stop stewing over what he’d said, and how he’d brushed it off when she responded.

“ _Last I knew, trust worked both ways.”_ It hurt, hearing him say it, but at the same time, she could see where he was coming from- they both had strong feelings for one another, but Aloy was so used to life on her own, without any of those feelings, that the thought of intimacy with any other person (let alone _Erend_ ) still sent her into a blind panic. It was easier to just distance herself from the thoughts than it was to actually confront them, but she didn’t want to admit to herself that that was what she was doing.

Deep in thought, Aloy allowed her Strider to follow Erend’s without any guidance, oblivious to their surroundings as they started down a path alongside a deep, rocky ravine. Still in her own head, she couldn’t see the pack of Scrappers coming up from the cover of a nearby jagged outcrop. A second too late, Aloy noticed their movement and tried to call out in warning, but by the time the words made it past her lips, his Strider was already rearing, sending him tumbling toward the sheer cliff’s edge.

“Erend, no!” Aloy’s stomach tightened as she watched him land on his chest, _hard_ , his arms scrabbled for purchase as his lower half dangled precariously over the edge. She could hear him grunt in pain as she vaulted off her own Strider, rushing to yank him back onto solid ground. With her back turned to the Scrappers, Aloy knew she was leaving herself open, but she couldn’t bear to let him fall- she wouldn’t allow it to happen.

Sharp, searing pain tore through Erend’s chest and midsection as Aloy’s hands closed around his wrists, pulling him back with all the strength she could muster. His breath only came in shallow wheezes; even the ambient weight of the plated armor at his chest, that he was normally so used to, felt like too much pressure to bear over the bruised flesh. He had no doubt in his mind he’d broken a few ribs on impact, the way they were throbbing with every gasp for air. Nonetheless, he was glad she’d still helped him after the petty comment he’d made to her before.

“Aloy... The-” He gasped between words, still struggling to take a deep breath, Aloy’s eyebrows drew together with concern as she looked down at him. “The Scrappers?” After living with the Corruption for so long, he was used to the predators attacking on sight. Aloy crouched down at Erend’s side to look at him, after having had the same thought- she’d been relieved to find the Scrappers were content to chase the Striders, leaving them behind to be forgotten.

“Shhhh- It’s okay. They ran off after our mounts.” Already, she was hurriedly searching through her pack for something to give him for the pain, but she doubted the Hintergold buds would be enough this time.

“Oh... Great...” Erend coughed and groaned as he started to sit up, failing miserably. “Ugh-” A strangled noise of frustration tore from his throat, then he laid his head back in surrender.

“Here, take these to start while I make you something to help.” Aloy pressed the small handful of wilted red flowers into his waiting palms. “You’re going to have to sit up, so you don’t choke, though...” She hesitated, “Can- Can I help you up?”

Dread filled Erend as he nodded, slowly. It didn’t keep him from sucking in air through clenched teeth as she put a hand behind his back and helped ease him over enough to lean back against a small boulder next to them. He stuffed the tiny buds into his mouth, nearly gagging at the pulpy mess on his tongue, but the relief was immediate; the pain didn’t disappear, more curbed, at least enough for him to almost take a full breath of air again.

“From now on, can we just take the slower route?” He tried to chuckle, wincing instead at the immense pain in his ribs.

“Yes,” She shook her head in disbelief, “I’m so sorry, Erend...” _She and Sylens had picked up the skill so easily, she hadn’t considered it was the familiarity Erend lacked with the Faro Tech that she’d taken for granted that had made it so easy to tame them, the skill had become second nature to her._ “I won’t make you try that again.” Aloy set to work as quickly as she could, looking through her pack again for anything she could use to concoct a medicine to heal him, but she was dismayed to find most her supplies depleted- she only had enough to make one dose. Making a mental note to resupply as soon as they stopped to camp again, she started to mix the ingredients, willing them to break down, she found herself thinking frantically, _faster, please, just hurry up and come together!_ Erend leaned his head back to rest against the boulder, still fighting to breathe evenly as his fingers felt blindly for the straps still holding his armor on.

“I’m afraid it isn’t going to be much, but this should stop the pain until we can get to a safe place for the night and I can scavenge for more supplies.” Aloy crouched down next to him, about to hand him the flask of medicine when she noticed his hands fumbling with the buckles at his sides, though his head still remained back against the rock, eyes closed with discomfort.

“Ngh- Thanks.” He grunted when he had to shift position, sending a jolt of pain through his ribs again, his arm refusing to bend at the right angle to unfasten the next strap. “Do, uh... D’you think you could help me with this?” Aloy set the flask on the ground next to him, trying to ignore the way her heart was pounding in her chest as her fingers made quick work of the buckles and straps, until she could finally help him slip the armor off carefully. He slouched backward again without the weight of the gear, wincing at the newfound lack of support that the armor had provided. Forcing him to keep his body straighter had actually helped him not to put as much weight on the fractured bones, and without it, he now found himself accidentally leaning on them without realizing it until it was far too late. “Ahhhh-” His groan turned into a hiss from between his teeth as he tried unsuccessfully to try to find a more comfortable position.

“Please, drink this... I’m sorry about the taste.” Aloy unscrewed the lid of the flask and passed it to him gently, her brows knitted with worry as she watched him take the medicine.

At first, his stomach refused it, a gag forcing him to cough excruciatingly before he swallowed it down through sheer force of willpower. He had to fight the urge for his body to curl in on himself as he choked, his eyes filling with tears as Aloy rushed to hand him a canteen with water to chase the awful-tasting concoction. “It may take a few minutes to start working, so just try to relax and take deep breaths.”

“Do I want to know what I just drank?” Erend’s head fell backward again, his eyes closed as his breathing finally started to even out to a normal pace. He could practically feel the warm liquid marking its path down his esophagus and into his stomach at a snail’s pace, calming tendrils of relief starting to curl around the parts of his mind and chest that had been blurred with the pain, drawing a small smile to his face.

“Probably not.” Aloy admitted, her mouth tightening at the sight of him smiling; she could only hope it was a sign that the pain reliever was working. The fact that he couldn’t continue to wear his armor while just sitting in place, had her worried his injuries might be serious, and she suddenly wondered whether or not he would be able to ride a Strider at all, without being in an excruciating amount of pain. The thought worried her, but she tried to push it away for the moment, snapping back to reality when Erend sighed heavily next to her,

“Listen, Aloy... What I said earlier,” He sounded embarrassed as he apologized, “It wasn’t fair of me, and well... I’m sorry.” He laughed, but it wasn’t exactly genuine, as he mused, “Here we are again, with you cleaning up my messes and solving my problems... All I ever wanted was to help you even a fraction of the way you’ve helped me, but I can’t even seem to get that right.” He sat up a little straighter, the medicine finally helping to deaden the pain in his chest, at least temporarily. He was dreading what would happen when the concoction wore off if they didn’t find anything to make more. “I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable, Aloy, really. I promise I only offered it because I thought it would help. If acting like we never-” He shrugged, not wanting to say that they’d _slept_ together, even though it was technically true, because he knew the phrasing might upset her all over again. “If that makes you more comfortable, then I won’t bring up my feelings for you anymore. But please, Aloy, don’t shut me out completely... I- I want to be there for you, like you have been for me. I promise, I’m not going anywhere. You aren’t alone.” The thought of acting like nothing had ever happened between them, that the night after they killed HADES had never happened, and they had never professed to having feelings for one another, was enough to make Aloy’s chest tighten with panic. She didn’t know how she could explain the way she felt without revealing just how much of a complete social outsider she really was, but she knew Erend just couldn’t quite understand the difficulty she was having with processing her own emotions without it.

“Erend, I care for you. I don’t want to turn my back on that, because I’ve never been happier than when you are at my side.” Her words were sweeter relief than any herb or medicine could ever provide, and Erend’s heartbeat quickened at the way she laid her thoughts bare in front of him with complete and utter honesty. “But, you must understand, I’ve never felt this way about a person before. Ever. Every part of this experience is new, and I am so used to being on my own, it’s what is most comfortable for me.” He nodded, showing her that he was listening to her every word with rapt attention. “A lot of this will take me time to process, and get comfortable with... My first reaction is usually to want to run, but... I’m working to get better at that. It’s not going to be immediate, and I can’t even guarantee I’ll ever be ready for whatever a real relationship entails-” She was starting to get manic again, but Erend stopped her with a gentle hand over top of her balled up fist sitting on her knee.

“Shhhhh,” His thumb rubbed along the back of her hand slowly, reassuringly, “That’s alright, Aloy. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I just want to talk things through so I can know how you’re feeling.” He desperately wanted nothing more than to understand how she was feeling, instead of being blindsided like he had been that morning. “Maybe you change your mind later, and if you do, that’s fine, but even if you don’t, I don’t care. As long as you’ll allow me to support you the same way you do for me, I’ll be the happiest Oseram alive.”

Aloy couldn’t describe how it felt to hear Erend say the words, both exhilarated and terrified at the same time. It wasn’t anything new, hearing him reiterate his feelings for her, but the vocal confirmation that he wasn’t interested in forcing her into any undesired intimacy seemed to lift a great weight from her shoulders.

“Of course, Erend.” She looked at him with kind eyes, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, she was careful not to put any weight on him as she did. “If I need space, I’ll ask for it. But otherwise, I really am happy you’re here.” He seemed surprised by the display of affection, but accepted it gratefully, a smile pulling at his cheeks yet again. “Now, how do you feel?” The medication had taken effect by now, allowing Erend to fully assess the state of his injuries, he winced as he probed the bruised skin and fractured bones carefully with his fingertips.

“One- Ngh- That is, _two_ , broken ribs on the right side, and- _Ah!_ One on the left.” He reported as he felt the last broken bone raised beneath his skin from where it had been jarred out of place... _That will need to be reset._ He gritted his teeth at the thought. “Lots of bruising. I think one of my ribs needs to be set.”

“Let me look at it,” Aloy directed, immediately moving to help him lift his shirt over his head. There was no doubt the rib was broken, angling downward enough to stand out beneath the already swelling purple flesh. She sucked in air at the sight, trying to keep her composure at the thought of how she would have to fix the bone’s position. “Oh Gaia, Erend, that looks bad.”

“I’ve had worse... Fixed worse on my guys in the field, too.” He grimaced as he looked down at it, beckoning Aloy to help him lie down again, and anticipating what was coming. “I could really use a drink though, I’m not going to lie.” She slipped a hand behind his back, easing him away from the rock to lie on the ground; he closed his eyes, using the coldness of the ground beneath him to center himself as he talked Aloy through resetting the bone. “Alright, I need you to put your hands right on top of the broken rib, are you ready?” She hesitated a moment, before settling her palms over the deformed flesh; she could feel his heart racing at the heel of her hand as he continued, “Good, you’re doing really good, Aloy. Now, this is going to hurt, and I’m probably going to react, but I need you to push the bone back into place between the rest. Don’t stop, even if I squirm, just keep going until it’s back in place.”

“Erend-” Aloy started, unsure, but she could see the desperation in his face.

“Just get on with it-” He told her, his voice immediately cutting out when she started to apply pressure as he’d directed, “Nnngh-” He grunted in pain, but didn’t pull away or struggle, which encouraged her to continue, only stopping once the bone had settled back into place amongst the others, just as he’d told her to. The skin around the break had turned a nasty shade of purple-black, blossoming liberally amidst the landscape of long-healed scars that marked Erend’s naked torso. A blush rose in her cheeks as she realized it was the first time she’d ever seen his bare chest before, but she knew it wasn’t exactly an appropriate time to gawk at him awkwardly.

“There, it’s done.” Aloy confirmed, pulling her hands away to appraise the damage, she forced herself to tear her gaze from the dusting of hair on his chest. “Do you think you can walk? We can rest here for a while, but we might want to find a more defensible place to set up camp, if that’s going to be the case.”

“No, we should try to keep moving.” Erend groaned as he pushed himself to sit up without her help, gritting his jaw through the pain. “I don’t want to set us back any further than sharing a ride already will.”

“Can you ride, though? I’m not sure it’s going to be good for you, the state you’re in.”

“I’ll manage it somehow.” Erend answered, but it wasn’t very reassuring. He slowly got to his feet, testing how it felt to be standing upright as Aloy remained seated, watching him, lost in thought. “C’mon, we should really get going while the medicine’s still working. I can walk well enough until we find a mount.” She still hadn’t moved, her eyes fixed on his broad, exposed chest; his physique was just as imposing without the armor as he was wearing it. He was the first person who made her heart beat faster at the sight of his bare skin, she was so caught off-guard by it that she hadn’t realized she was staring. Erend cleared his throat casually, snapping Aloy back to reality as he teased her, “You know, you keep staring at me like that, you’re gonna make me blush.”

“Oh... Uh- Sorry...” Aloy felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, immediately flustered as he started pulling his shirt back over his head with a groan. Aloy scrambled to get up and help him, her knuckles brushing over his back as she helped eased the garment over him. Erend’s voice came, muffled, from the bunch of fabric still wrapped around his arms and over his head awkwardly,

“Hey, I’m not complaining or anything, just saying, there’s a time and a place, and it can wait for later.” His shirt finally settled over his shoulders, his hair looking disheveled as his head popped out of collar. “Time’s a factor, so we really should get going.”

 

***

 

The biting cold wind whirled around them as the last light of day painted the sky in tones of grey, purple and blue. A shiver crept its way down Erend’s spine, causing his ribs to twinge painfully for what seemed like the hundredth time. The medication Aloy gave him had worn off hours ago, but he’d refrained from speaking up or letting Aloy know he was uncomfortable- _he had already slowed them down, not being able to ride on his own, and he wasn’t about to put them off any further._ Every bumpy step of the Broadhead beneath them was agonizing if he didn’t force himself to sit up as straight as possible. He realized quickly that binding the wounds would probably help, though neither of them had any bandages on hand. Erend pulled his scarf up tighter around his neck, but it wasn’t enough, another violent shiver ripping through him.

“It’s getting dark... Can we stop for the night?” He nearly had to shout over the wind for her to hear him. Aloy tapped the focus at her temple, checking their position on her map. She was glad to see they were approaching a group of houses near one of the Nora’s Hunting Grounds, where she hoped they could find shelter from the cold for the night, and if they were lucky, some much-needed supplies.

“There’s a Hunting Ground up ahead, and just past that is a town that used to be overrun by Corrupted machines. It’s been cleared out since then, and the Groundskeeper lives around there, now. He’s loosely associated with the Hunters Lodge in Meridian. We should be able to stay there for the night, and pick up something to help your ribs.”

“That’s good...” Erend admitted, grunting when the Broadhead bounced over n uneven patch of road, “Because I’m gonna be honest, this hurts like hell.” He’d been gritting his teeth against the cold and the pain for so long, his jaw ached with fatigue, and more than anything, he just wanted to lie down and rest. _And maybe have a drink._ He added, taking in another sharp breath at a dip in the road.

 

***

 

 


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I don’t think I’m ready for this...” Her voice wavered slightly, enough for Erend to tighten the arm he had behind her neck, turning to kiss her on the top of her head._  
>  “I’m not sure that anyone ever is, but closure is important. You deserve your chance to say goodbye, even if it is a little belated.” She knew he was probably right, but it didn’t much help to quell the feelings of dread and anxiety she inexplicably felt the nearer they traveled to her childhood home.
> 
> ***
> 
> Aloy must finally face Rost's death head-on, and while Erend wants to do whatever he can to support her, he's got a few problems of his own. Leaning on each other, they know they can likely figure out a way through it.
> 
> \--  
> Sorry this chapter took so long! It was like forcing blood from a stone. But it's finally here, so here's hoping the inspiration lasts!

Thankfully, it didn’t take much for Aloy to negotiate them a place to stay for the night, which was good, because Erend’s resolve was quickly deteriorating, he seemed to be getting weaker and weaker by the minute. His skin had gone pallid with the cold, and just by looking at him, Aloy knew he had to be in a great deal of pain. Evidently, the Hunting Groundskeeper noticed as well; he was adamant in giving her a box full of medical supplies, free of charge, admitting he’d heard about what she’d done to stop the Corrupted machines through the grapevine.

“Please, let me show you to your cabin.” The Groundskeeper beckoned them toward one of the small houses, holding the door open and inviting them inside. “I’m afraid it isn’t much, but you’re welcome to whatever you find. Please, rest as long as you need.”

“Thank you, really.” Aloy nodded at him with a small smile - she’d never been so thankful to feel the wind being blocked at her back. Her eyes landed on a small hearth, and she’d never looked forward to the warmth of a fire so much in her life.

“I’ll leave you to yourselves, then. I’m just across the way, on the edge of the Grounds, just let me know if you need anything. I’ve got some stew simmering on the fire, if you feel like eating.”

“We appreciate the offer, but I think what my friend really needs right now is rest.” Aloy answered with finality, shifting Erend’s arm a little further back on her shoulder before walking him into the cabin. He nodded, his eyes fixed on the Groundskeeper, but remained quiet, jaw still clenched shut tightly.

“Understood.” The older man nodded back, closing the door behind him as he finally left Aloy and Erend alone in the small, dark dwelling. The cabin was tiny, but cozy, and immediately Aloy set to work starting a fire in the small fireplace.

“I thought he’d never leave.” Erend grunted as he straightened himself up enough to start shedding his weapons and armor, sighing with long-awaited relief; he was thankful Aloy was too distracted with the fire to see the way his hands were shaking uncontrollably as he peeled off his outermost layers slowly.

Once the fire had begun to catch slowly, Aloy settled a kettle of water on a hook near the flames, then carried the box of medical supplies over to a small table against the opposite wall, next to an old, traditional Nora bed. She looked over at Erend, who appeared to be struggling in the glow of the orange light, motioning for him to come over to her and sit on the bed so she could help him again.

“Come here, let me.” He gave up the struggle, stumbling over to her with exhausted resignation, and allowed Aloy’s fingers to unfasten each buckle with practiced care. “You shouldn’t have let it get this bad... Erend, I wish you would have told me when the potion had first worn off. We could have done something about it.” Her lips were pursed with concern as she noticed just how unsteady he was on his feet; she knew it had been bad, but he looked worse than she’d realized, and now she was feeling guilty.

“Nah, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Erend denied, despite the way he breathed through his teeth when she started to slip the heavy armor over his chest and shoulders, hesitating when the bottom of the heavy plates skimmed over his bruised midsection. Aloy hoped there weren’t any injuries under the surface they couldn’t do much about, but the healing potions should at least somewhat have helped with that, _but only if he keeps taking them until it’s healed_.

“Sure you are.” Aloy shook her head as she took over, careful to lift the armor away while avoiding the tender wounds. With a sigh, she set his armor down next to the rest of their weapons and things by the door, then helped him ease down to sit on the bed carefully. “Nonetheless, It wouldn’t hurt to patch you up a bit, now that we’ve got some proper supplies and shelter.”

“I guess that’s fair.” He nodded, allowing his head to dip back as he leaned on his hands, eyes closing like they had before, as he tried to center himself through the pain. She bit her lip as she turned away and began shuffling through the box, setting aside the things she thought would help him: an extra-strength healing potion, a salve made from animal fat, and boiled Ochrebloom, along with a roll of rough linen bandages. By the time she’d turned back, Erend was taking a deep breath, preparing himself a moment before he heaved his shirt over his head again; Aloy would have been distracted by his muscled chest, gone pale with the cold, if not for the sharp yelp of pain when he accidentally moved wrong, arms caught in his shirt above his head. She hurried back to sit on the edge of the bed next to him, helping peel the shirt off his hands where the offending garment had gotten stuck. She dropped the shirt to the floor, unable to help the way her brows drew together with concern when she finally got a good look at him.

The patches of skin that had been tinged with red and blue before, were now an ugly, deep shade of black, purple and yellow-green around the edges, and the swelling around the broken ribs seemed more pronounced than it had been before, no doubt, made more sensitive after hours and of jostling and bumping on the back of a Broadhead.

“I should never have made you do that... You didn’t want to, from the start, and now-” He could tell she was panicking, feeling guilty and overwhelmed at the thought of having hurt him, however unintentionally. Erend looked down at himself, frowning at the damage as he tried to reassure her.

“It doesn’t look great, I’ll give you that, but I’ve had a lot worse in my time as a Vanguard, Aloy. It hurts right now, but I promise, I _will_ be fine.”

Aloy stepped away from him to pour some of the warm water from the kettle into a basin that sat on the table next to the the bed, before it got too hot. She dipped the scraps of fabric into the warm water and wrung them out carefully, then passed them to Erend casually.

“We aren’t going to get a chance to bathe anytime soon, but you can wash up a bit with these, if you want.” He accepted the rags thankfully, a little glad Aloy was intent to stare at the fire on the other side of the room while he cleaned himself up as best he could. “I’ll do the same after you’re taken care of.” She answered his unspoken question almost the same instant he thought it, and Erend shook his head, _there she goes, putting others before herself again._ He pushed the thought away, clearing his throat to let her know he’d finished. The bottle that held the healing potion popped as she removed the cork and passed it to him carefully. Erend accepted it, wrinkling his nose when he realized it was likely more of the same thing she’d made him earlier, but in extra-concentrated form, if the aroma was any thing to go by.

“Drink that while I get you patched up.” She instructed him as she opened the container that held the salve, spreading it over her fingertips; she could feel the cold concoction starting to loosen as it warmed from the heat of the fire now spreading through the air, her hands immediately starting to relax after the strain of riding, the oil soaking into her parched skin quickly.

Erend took as big of a gulp of the drink as he could manage, careful not to cough or choke this time, despite the terrible taste that accompanied it. He finished the bottle in a few quick swallows, thanking his Oseram ancestry for inheriting the ability to drink anything and everything if he put his mind to it. Aloy motioned for him to lean back again, which Erend obeyed slowly, not exactly sure what else she had gotten from the box of supplies, but suddenly curious.

“So, do all Nora potions taste like shit, or-” Erend started his question teasingly, but his voice cut out when Aloy’s fingertips found his bruised and broken ribcage, completely distracted by the brush of her fingers against his midsection. He could feel her every movement as she gently massaged the salve into his skin, despite the sharp ache of pain whenever she passed over a broken rib. A crooked smile formed on his face, even if all the air in his lungs felt a little stuck. She leaned down over him to appraise the damage, oblivious.

“Yeah, they’re not as fancy as the ones you get back in Meridian.” Aloy answered back, not really noticing how still he’d grown at her touch, she was too intently focused on her task, “But they get the job done in a pinch.” Her thumbs smoothed the balm over the last section of bruised flesh, trailing down farther than she’d intended to, she brushed his stomach, drawing an involuntary sound out of Erend’s chest that she hadn’t heard him make before... It was a low rumble of approval, almost a growl; _whatever it was, she wanted to hear it again._ She started at his ribs a second time, trailing her fingertips down his abdomen with just enough pressure to know she was there, entranced by the warmth of his skin against hers.

“Aloy-” He finally spoke up at the repeated motion, his breath still hitched slightly as he raised his hands to settle over hers, stopping them for a moment. “I feel like I should probably warn you... You’re always welcome to touch me, anywhere you want to, to your heart’s content-” Erend couldn’t believe the words coming from his mouth as he continued, but he desperately wanted to keep her from pushing him away like she had that morning. “But if you keep going, well, uh- parts of my body are going to react in ways I don’t have a whole lot of control over. I- I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Aloy looked down at him, both embarrassed that he’d had to say it, and thankful that he was thinking of her needs before his own. She still didn’t know exactly what she wanted out of a relationship between them, but she couldn’t deny the spark of pleasure she’d just experienced at the combination of her hands on his body and the noise he’d made that sent her heart racing, a little terrified by the revelation at the same time.

“Oh, right...” Aloy mumbled, not bothering to move her hands from under his just yet. “I’m sorry, I just- got a little distracted.”

“Heh, did you now?” Erend smiled broadly at her admission, his hands sinking back to lie on the bed at his sides, allowing her the freedom to continue, or not, as she pleased, in complete surrender. “Maybe I should try to distract you more often.” Aloy shook her head, smiling at his flirtation before she turned away from him to grab the roll of rough bandages the Groundskeeper had given her; they felt unpleasant contrasted against the feeling of his skin against her hands, but she knew they would help provide some much-needed support and slight pressure over his ribs, giving him a better chance to be comfortable as they rested.

“Alright, time to sit up again.” She didn’t address the comment, but the blush in her cheeks had risen considerably. “We should probably bandage you up.”

Erend eased himself up to a sitting position again with some effort. Aloy had to lean close to him in order to wrap the bandages around his ribcage, thankful he’d already washed the grime of traveling from his upper body. Her nose filled with the pungent smell of the Ochrebloom balm that helped hold the bandage in place as she continued to stretch it around him, careful not to pull too tight. He sighed at the feeling of her arms around him, knowing he was getting his hopes up too much at the thought of her touching him like she had again, any time soon; Aloy pulled the bandage around the last time, clipping it at his side with a tiny metal clasp someone had fashioned from two shards. Her hands slid further down to settle at the bare skin of his sides, giving him a squeeze at the same moment she kissed him gently on the lips. Erend’s eyes were shut, the kiss taking him by surprise, but he was quick to kiss her back, nonetheless.

“Feeling any better?” Aloy asked as their lips parted when she straightened up, Erend’s sides feeling suddenly empty without her hands.

“Starting to.” He answered, looking up at her with an expression Aloy couldn’t quite identify. The fire crackled, continuing to cast a warm glow over the room, and he couldn’t help but think her hair looked even more beautiful in the light of the flames, dancing hues of red and orange and brown. “Thank you, for... Y’know, helping me and all that.”

“It was my fault you got hurt in the first place...” She shook her head guiltily, “I should have listened to you when you said you weren’t comfortable, instead of pressuring you to do it. I’m sorry.”

“Aloy, sometimes pushing boundaries can be a _good_ thing. I don’t regret giving it my best shot.” He shrugged slowly, smirking as he added, “But, not everyone can be inherently good at everything they try to do. I know when to call it quits.” Aloy rolled her eyes, so tired of people seeing or describing her as flawless, when she felt like she was anything but. “I still enjoy riding when you’re the one calling the shots... Y’know, when I’m not hurtin’ too bad.”

“I still feel terrible it happened because of me, at any rate.” She told him, trying to push down the unpleasant feeling deep into her stomach.

“Hold on, I want to show you something.” Erend slowly got to his feet, surprising Aloy as he stood in front of her with a look of determination on his face. “Ok, look here.” He turned his shoulders to face the fire, but Aloy wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to be looking at, besides the nice shape of the solid muscle there.

“Erend, what are you-”

“You see this?” He pointed to a long raised white scar that ran over one side of his left arm, “I got this my first day on duty with the Vanguard... Some Carja prick managed to glance his spear off my shoulder and slice right down my arm. Bled like a stuck pig for an hour after that. Once she’d found out I was alright, Ersa laughed and told me I deserved it, with how headstrong I was rushing into the fight.” Aloy bit her lip, puzzled by his sudden desire to explain the map of scars over his body that she’d only just gotten the chance to admire. “And this one,” He turned back to face her and the fire again, pointing out a gnarled scar in the hollow between his right shoulder and chest, ”Was from a sharpshot arrow that split the difference between two plates in my armor when some rebels tried to assassinate Avad, the first month after he took the throne. That one hurt for a long time... Still gives me trouble sometimes when the weather changes too quick.” He searched around, eyes landing on another that sat just above his navel, “You see this one? I got this when Ersa and I were kids, and-”

“Erend, I like hearing your stories, _really_ , but I don’t understand what this has to do with what we were talking about?” Aloy cut him off, but he quieted her with another soft kiss, his forehead pressing to hers and leaving her breathless at the unexpected gesture.

“Aloy, I’m trying to show you that _sometimes_ , I get hurt helping the people I care about. It happens.” He smiled, shaking his head at the idea, “But that doesn’t make me any less willing to do it. So I get hurt? It’s a risk I have to take. If I do, then I heal up and I keep coming back to help again, however I can.” He shrugged nonchalantly, drawing a warm laugh from Aloy, the purest delight Erend could ask for in response to such an emotionally intimate admission.

“I don’t know what to say to you, sometimes. You know that? You’re incredible.” She always marveled at how Erend could manage to both create and dissipate tension in a matter of moments, his skilled way with words could always, naturally draw her attention. “You’re also reckless, but I didn’t want to ruin the nice moment.” She added with another laugh.

“Aw, there you go making me blush again.” The smile in his response was stretched so big across his face, Aloy couldn’t help but smile back.

“I’m hungry, aren’t you? Let’s figure out what there is to eat around here.” She took Erend’s arm, walking with him toward the tiny pantry the Groundskeeper had left stocked, their stomachs rumbling as they realized how hungry they really were.

 

***

 

Between the effects of the medication, and the warm belly full of food, Erend had grown sleepy far quicker than he’d anticipated, immediately obeying Aloy’s instruction to get into the bed, unquestioningly, when she noticed his eyes drifting shut against his will. They had been sitting at the table, talking about what Aloy had planned for her brief return to the Nora homeland when a yawn had forced Erend to stretch wrong, wincing slightly, before rubbing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

“You should get some rest.” Aloy nodded toward the bed, to which Erend complied without hesitation, pulling back the blanket and lying down with a contented sigh.

“Are you sure you don’t want the bed?” Erend asked curiously, “It’s large enough to share, or I can sleep on the floor, if you prefer.”

“I’m not quite ready to sleep yet.” Aloy answered, biting her lip. “We can share the bed, but I’m going to stay awake for a bit yet. You should go ahead and get some rest, though. I think I just want a little time to myself.”

“Of course, take all the time you need.” He nodded with understanding, but was pleased to hear her answer, hoping she wasn’t just saying it because it was what he wanted to hear. With his question answered, Erend laid his head back slowly on the lumpy goose down pillow behind him, snoozing gently before a full five minutes had passed. Once Aloy could hear he had fallen asleep, she took the opportunity to heat up the remainder of the water in the pail by the door, then bathed herself self-consciously behind the flimsy pantry wall as best she could. She felt warm and comfortable by the time she’d finished, moving to sit in front of the crackling embers of the fire as she started tying small braids through her hair, exactly as Rost used to do for her when she was young. The thought brought a sad smile to her face as she traced the details of her father’s features in her mind- the wrinkles that accompanied one of his hearty laughs, not the sounds of surprise and pain of their last moments together. She tried to imagine what Rost would have thought about everything that had happened... _Would he have made the same choices as me, with HADES and Sylens, and the fate of the world hanging in the balance? Would he have liked Erend? Would Erend have liked him?_ She didn’t have long to ponder the questions, her concentration broken at the sounds of Erend thrashing in the bed, mumbling and getting louder by the second, obviously deep in the throes of a nightmare.

 

“ _-Aloy! Ersa, go get help, c’mon-” His voice was broken as he looked down at Aloy, trembling in his arms as her face grew paler with each passing moment. There was a wound, pouring blood down her side, too big to patch when they were so far outside the limits of the city... But maybe, if Ersa left as quickly as possible, just maybe she could find a medic in time..._

“Erend-” _The voice calling out to him was Ersa’s and yet not Ersa’s at the same time, distorted around the edges somehow. He tried to shake off the eerie feeling, looking back down at Aloy, hands shaking when he realized how still she’d grown, her eyes sliding closed when he wasn’t looking._

“ _Aloy, no!” Her skin was cold to the touch, but still, Ersa moved no closer to help him. “Come on, stay with me-”_

 

“Erend!” Aloy sat on the mattress next to him, gently cupping his stubbled cheeks, clammy with sweat, as she tried to wake him from the nightmare like he’d done for her the night before. “Wake up, it’s just a dream...” His eyes snapped open and blinked shut repeatedly before he finally seemed to grasp what he was seeing; he didn’t dare move at the sharp pain in his chest as Aloy stared down at him with worry.

“Aloy... You- you- you-” Erend’s body still trembled as she looked down at him, so very alive, and beautiful, and not at all the same as she’d looked in his arms mere moments ago. “You were- well, d _ying,_ and- Ersa was supposed to go for help, but she wouldn’t leave for some damned reason, and-”

“Erend,” Aloy interrupted his frantic rambling as gently as she could, but his memory caught up to him before she said another word. “I’m sorry.” He looked shell-shocked as he nodded, trying to laugh off his dream-fueled reaction,

“No, yeah, I mean... It was a _dream_. Of course, it was nothing but a bad dream, Ersa’s been...” The lump in his throat got too big to talk around, so he just trailed off and tried to ignore the hot, stinging tears springing to his eyes by avoiding looking back at Aloy, who he had no doubt was looking on in pity.

“I’m here for you, Erend. I promise.” Aloy shifted on the bed to lie next to him, trying to ignore the hammering of her heart in her chest as she threaded her fingers with his and repeated his words from the night before, right back to him. “I’m not going anywhere.” With no small amount of effort, Erend sat up enough to look her in the face, his expression serious.

“Are you sure about this?” He knew she might feel pressure to comfort him, but he didn’t want it at the cost of her own.

“Yes.” She answered, making sure there was no misinterpretation of her words. Erend lay his head back again and closed his eyes, the permission from her was enough for him to relax and enjoy the feeling of her body curled against his own, the clarity of the nightmare ebbing to the back of his mind as he felt her fingertips tracing against the back of his hand. They drifted into dreamless sleep in tandem that night, the warmth of the tiny cabin inviting them towards rest that each needed desperately for different reasons.

 

***

 

 

Aloy stirred awake once the sun had just started to light up the room through the cottage’s sparse windows, painting everything with the warmth of a new day. She tried to extract herself from the tangle of limbs they’d managed to create as they slept, moving as slowly as she could to avoid waking Erend. Hoping to get a few things ready while letting him sleep on, Aloy stopped in her tracks when she heard him groan as he shifted in the bed, noticing her absence immediately.

“’S this how I can expect to wake up every time we go to sleep together?” Aloy shook her head, holding her hands up to reassure him as she realized what it looked like. “Ouch-” He yelped as he sat up to look at her, feeling worse at that moment than he had the night before.

“No, I just wanted to let you sleep a bit longer while I got more medicine and some clean bandages.” She picked up another bottle from the box on the table and passed it to him carefully. “I’m sorry to make you worry... How do you feel?” He grimaced as he drank down the foul concoction, scrunching up his face once he’d finished it.

“Like shit, only worse.” He sighed heavily, letting his head fall back once more. Aloy went back to shifting through the box on the table in search of more bandages, but unfortunately they had used up the small amount they’d been supplied with. “Hey, c’mere.” Erend beckoned her over to him, inviting her to lie back down with him for a moment. “Can we maybe just sit here for a little longer while we wait for the potion to kick in?” It was a flimsy excuse, and they both knew it, but Aloy humored his request nonetheless, curling into his side as she savored the appreciative hum that escaped his lips. They laid in comfortable silence for a long while before Aloy swallowed hard, admitting what she’d had on her mind since the moment she’d awoken.

“I don’t think I’m ready for this...” Her voice wavered slightly, enough for Erend to tighten the arm he had behind her neck, turning to kiss her on the top of her head.

“I’m not sure that anyone ever is, but closure is important. You deserve your chance to say goodbye, even if it is a little belated.” She knew he was probably right, but it didn’t much help to quell the feelings of dread and anxiety she inexplicably felt the nearer they traveled to her childhood home.

“Still...” Aloy shook her head, “I don’t know... I guess part of me hates the thought that I have no idea what his grave even looks like, or what to expect. The Matriarchs took care of his burial while I was unconscious...” Erend could hear the heavy weight of guilt in her voice. “He was just an outcast to them. What if they’ve left it untended, or let something awful happen to it?”

“That _is_ a part of why we’re going, isn’t it? To pay our respects? If they’ve left behind something unworthy of him, then the two of us will make it better, together. We won’t leave until it meets your approval. Something deserving of a brave Nora warrior.”

 _“Outcast.”_ Aloy corrected him, an anger she knew he hadn’t meant to wake flaring in her chest nonetheless as she sat up in frustration, their moment of peaceful intimacy ending abruptly. “The Nora might be quick to claim Rost for their own, after he raised me and ended up sacrificing himself to save me, but we were never considered _true_ Nora. Not until after-” The lump in her throat was almost painful. “It’s easy to remember people the way you want to, instead of how they actually were.” Erend watched her apologetically, feeling just how inadequate his knowledge of the other tribes’ cultures really was, like a fiery hot brand. He wished he’d chosen literally any other way to describe her father, but instead, he’d offended her by accident. “With Rost, they wouldn’t be wrong to praise him for being the good man he was. But the ideation ends there: Rost was no more a Nora than you or me.” Ever since she’d seen the inside of All-Mother Mountain, learned the secrets of their world’s dark origins, and faced the improbable circumstances of her own existence, Aloy identified so little with the culture she’d grown up on the fringes of, she knew she would never be at peace counted among them. It bred discomfort deep inside her that others might compromise Rost’s identity in order to project their own ideals onto his very memory, even if the trigger was unintentional.

“I’m sorry, Aloy... I never meant to offend.” Erend apologized as soon as she’d stopped speaking again, sitting up, he took her hand as he looked her in the eyes sincerely. She could see the regret for what he’d said written plainly on his face, and realized that she had flown off the handle when he’d only been trying to pay Rost a compliment.

“I know, I’m sorry...” She frowned, ashamed at her lack of control.

“It just makes me realize how little I actually know about you. You growing up as an outcast of a society that now practically worships you, and that’s mind-blowing, Aloy. I want to know everything about your life, every detail you’re willing to share with me.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start...” Aloy looked surprised at Erend’s response, wondering _what could he possibly want to know about growing up with Rost?_

 

_***_

 

Aloy and Erend made the last of the journey on foot, walking long into the afternoon before they finally reached the familiar rock formations that formed a protective wall around her childhood home; after hours of answering Erend’s small, thoughtful questions, and telling as many stories as she could remember, Aloy couldn’t help the burn of nostalgia and grief that tightened her chest and throat when she recognized the makeshift wooden barriers around the small hut.

“This is it, Erend...” She nodded toward the rocks, “We’re here.” They’d already made their way through the narrow paths of Mother’s Heart, the deepest into Nora territory that Erend had ever been before now, but as his eyes settled on the small, cramped little conclave, more details of Aloy’s life started to fall into place; he understood now, how her world had started so small. _One man, one child, and one small house, way outside the village. What a lonely life,_ Erend marveled to himself. He could see the make-shift grave as well as she could in front of the wall, but didn’t dare move any further until she invited him to do so, wanting to honor her original request to be alone. “Go ahead and check out the cabin... It doesn’t look like any squatters have ransacked it or claimed it yet.” Her heart felt heavy at the thought of scavengers raiding her childhood home, or taking it for themselves, but she knew in her heart that she could never live there again. Not long-term, anyway.

“Sure. I’ll see what I can do.” Erend walked through the snow behind her toward the tiny house, more shack than cabin, but it was solidly built; he took in every detail of his surroundings with an almost hungry sort of curiosity, poring over the homemade practice dummies and the once carefully-cultivated gardens of wildflowers and ridgewood scrubs that had grown overladen and unkempt with neglect. He resolved to fix that, once Aloy had had enough time to herself. _The healing herbs would come in handy_ , Erend winced as he stepped up to test the cabin door. It swung open on its hinge with little effort, and Erend found himself greeted by the silence of dark stillness that hadn’t been disturbed in over a year. He held his breath in reverence as he crossed the threshold, totally unsure of what to expect.

 

***

 

“Well, it took a lot longer than I wanted it to, but I finally made it back to visit.” Aloy took a slow, shaking breath as she kneeled in front of the small stone grave marker surrounded by candles and wooden trinkets, _left by whom, she hadn’t the slightest idea..._ At any rate, the grave hadn’t been abandoned, and the thought was both bitter and somewhat comforting in the same breath. “So I guess you really did find the _one_ place I couldn’t track you, huh?” She mumbled her conversation with the cold rock, trying to imagine how Rost’s face might have crinkled in all her favorite places if he were sitting on top of it and looking down at her affectionately. “A lot has happened, since we last talked, Rost.” Her throat tightened as she continued, “ _Helis is dead, and rotting._ _Along with HADES, and the entire Faro swarm._ ” She knew the words would have been nonsense to his ears, but somehow it still needed to be said. He needed to know that she had killed the bastard who’d torn him from her life. The rest was inconsequential at the moment. “I think- well, _hope,_ you would have been proud of me, through all of it...” She tried to swallow her sadness when the picture of him in her head started to flicker; _had his eyes been blue, or maybe blue-gray?_ It had been so long since she’d seen him, she hated that the details were starting to blur, just slightly, through the tears. “I took your final lesson to heart, I guess, because I didn’t run and hide when I finally figured out what it was that needed to be done. I was terrified, but every time I thought about giving up, there was some part of me that _knew_ what I did would be betraying you, worst of all.” The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks by now, little quiet sobs that wracked her body and made it hard to keep speaking through them, “But I kept going, and I met others who were just as messed up, and broken as me, and with their help, we finally put an end to the terror. No more corruption or derangement in the machines you raised me to treat with respect. We made it happen, all because of you, and what you did for me. So, thank you, Rost. For everything.” Aloy sniffed, wiping her hands over her face as she tried to regain her composure, some. After a moment, she took a steadying breath, then stood and dusted the snow off her legs, as she added, “By the way, I met someone, and...” The admission made her blush, even though she knew Rost wasn’t really there to hear it, “When you explained to me, as a little girl, what it felt like to fall in love with another person, I thought it was just another story. Being as poetic as you always were, and exaggerating just how it felt to really meet your match.” She couldn’t keep the small smile off her lips as she spoke quietly, unable to deny herself that the things she was feeling were real anymore. “But I think I get it, now. I had to meet the right person, and even then I still have my doubts, and yet,” Aloy glanced to her side, surprised and a little pleased to see wood smoke already starting to curl from the chimney of the small cabin. “He surprises me every day with his capacity to care... It’s overwhelming.” The cold was starting to creep around her joints, sending a small shiver down Aloy’s spine as she decided to say her goodbyes. “We’ll be back to visit again, I promise. Goodbye, for now, Rost.” She turned away with a small wave, her vision of Rost waved and smiled, dissolving into the cold flakes of snow blowing around her as the wind continued to pick up. It appeared that a storm would be approaching that evening, and it might be wise to prepare their shelter as much as possible before it rolled in.

 

***

 

The room felt deathly still as Erend stepped through the shadowed doorway, darkness surrounding him as he took in the small, cluttered space that had served as Aloy’s home for the majority of her life. Dried herbs and flowers hung haphazardly from the walls, alongside animal furs and skins that looked like they were being prepared for use, and Erend felt a little overwhelmed by the sheer level of preparedness the entire structure eeked of. Every space served a function, down to the racks of hand-made weapons lining the opposite wall, and two sleeping spaces kiddy corner from each other, though he knew one space looked far more comfortable than the other, and he had no question as to which space had been Rost’s and which had belonged to Aloy. He crossed the room with small, gentle steps, careful to disturb as little around him as possible as he knelt down in front of the fireplace and stacked a few of the dry ridgewood trunks from the pile next to the hearth into the fireplace and began to start a fire, illuminating the room with a slowly growing orange glow. In the light and warmth of the fire, the cabin seemed much cozier, and less morose. The character of Rost’s craftsmanship stood out, and Erend could see the man’s ingenuity in the way he’d joined the roof beams, and the intricate details of the weapons resting in their spaces. Erend couldn’t suppress the small chuckle of delight when he saw the child-sized bow, mounted over the fireplace with great care and tenderness; _it had to have been Aloy’s, maybe even her first._ The handle was wrapped with twine that must have been white, at one time, but years of use had rendered it more of an off-yellow color as it aged, and a whirling pattern twisted over the curve of the wood, practically flowing out of the rigid material, Erend had never seen anything like it from a Nora craftsman before. In his experience, the Nora built their tools for function, not form, yet with Rost’s handiwork, there appeared to be elements of both. It impressed him to no end; once again, Erend felt the pang of a good person lost before he even got the chance to meet them. The door creaked open behind him, and Erend was glad to see Aloy making her way inside. Her face was stained with tears, but she seemed otherwise well, so Erend didn’t press her, glad to see she had worked out some of the emotions she’d had locked away for far too long.

“It looks just the same as it always has.” She sounded both surprised, and a little thankful at the observation, tugging at Erend’s heart in his chest. He thought it might have crushed him, if someone had raided the place and they’d come along to find the aftermath.

“If that makes you happy, then I am glad.” He stepped closer and embraced her gently, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. “It is quite a cozy little place, isn’t it?”

“And cramped.” Aloy smiled, pulling away from him long enough to look around some more; Erend took no offense, letting her go easily to watch her reminisce with fondness. “But that wasn’t always a bad thing.” The small space still felt like home, but there was a definite element of wrongness, as well, in the fine layer of dust that had settled over the hearth after well over a year of neglect. Knowing Rost would never return home to tend to the tiny house’s maintenance still made her chest throb, but she’d cried as much as her eyes would allow, and for now the familiarity would have to be comfort enough. Erend could see the shift in her almost immediately, as if a switch had been thrown, and he wished he could do something to help the hurt lessen. He settled a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently as he tried to think of anything he could say.

“There’s a storm coming... We should probably gather supplies before it gets too bad. I noticed the garden could use some tending, as well.” She smiled at the suggestion, turning to look at him and nodding.

“There should be healing herbs in the garden, but we might not need the ones from outside, yet. There’s plenty here in the cabin, already... If anything, we can clean up the garden before we visit town tomorrow morning.”

“That works,” He shrugged, before asking, “In that case, can I make us something to eat instead? I’m starving.” Erend asked, but his stomach tightened unpleasantly at the sound of a knock on the doorframe outside. They’d seen the occasional passerby on their way through Mother’s Heart, but Aloy hadn’t expected word to spread of their visit this quickly; she wondered if the smoke from their fire had attracted someone despite the location of the cabin being so far away from the rest of the Nora. She was dreading the idea of having to explain herself and Erend’s presence to a random local passerby. The knock persisted, just long enough for Aloy to call out, making her way toward the door before it swung open on its own.

“Hello?” A familiar voice greeted her, making her heart race all the harder.

 

***

 


End file.
